We worked and played, but most of all I miss the grade.

As the Huntington University ends another year, I am reminded how disconnected I am from the college that consumed my life for 4 years. We only live two blocks away from campus, but the distance between us and them is much farther than that. College was a wonderful mix of insane busyness and spontaneous fun. I can remember being too involved with too many things, with too many projects to work on, and too many exams to study for. I never thought that I would be more busy than I was in college. In college, you could never leave work at work. There was always something to be working on, and most of the time I would work or study until 1 in the morning every morning. Yet somehow, I miss working for the grade.

At the beginning of every semester, in each class, I was handed the loathed syllabus. There is was, my life planned out for me for the next three months. The expectations were always perceived to be insurmountable. Even more so, for some projects I was given a rubric. If I completed this task, that task, put this in the header, and used MLA formatting, then I would earn this amount of points which would give me a letter grade. All the hours, all the time, all the effort would finally end in a letter. It may be a B, it may even be an A. But it was final. My performance had a final evaluation. I was able to either be content or discontent with the work I put in.

Now that I am in this so called 'Real World', I have no rubric. I have no syllabus. Although my work is perhaps just as difficult, I have no real way of knowing if I am doing well. Especially in my profession. It is quite a transition going from using the syllabus as a guide to coming up with the syllabus altogether.

I miss the grade.

Every once in a while, my friends bring up the hypothetical question, "If you had the chance to go back and relive college, would you?". My answer is still no. I have a beautiful wife, a hard yet meaningful job, and would probably feel trapped back in college. I am very grateful for my college experience, but I feel much more free now. Although there are times I desire the structure, the control, the syllabus and the grade, I try to remind myself that I have a gracious God who is my ultimate evaluator. I may never again be given a letter grade, but I hope that I can work and toil knowing that one day the work will be over.

-JOSH